Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
