I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
