We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Swine flu is the new snow day.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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