Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
