Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
