I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
