You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
