I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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