it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
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the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
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I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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