i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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