I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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