I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You ate ashes out of my bong
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
