I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
