If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
