I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
