too bad you live with your parents still
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Randomize
