at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
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They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
BRING THE BAGELS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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