areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
