You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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