Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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