oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
