i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
