I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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