I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
