I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
