If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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