If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
