Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
