Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
