You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
