Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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