Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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