I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
