On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
