So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
