i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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