Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
