Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
