exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
