so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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