Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
