just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize