then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
