there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
