I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
