Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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