i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
