I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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