foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
