you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
