I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
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