In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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