Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
