he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You're like the curious george of whores
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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