He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
People with herpes should wear stickers.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
