we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
