Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
