this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
