Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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