Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
