I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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