i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
