So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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