weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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