I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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