Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
