singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I got inside last night via doggy door
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
