Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
