yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
