The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
