Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
