dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she peed on how many people?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
