Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
