just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
