i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize