Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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